One Liners

My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch


If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me


Mind intentionally left blank...



I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.


Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.



If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.


Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.


If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?



The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.