Comebacks

Wife: Darling, do you think I'll lose my looks as I get older
You: With luck, yes


Work Colleague: Do you find me entertaining?
You: I reckon you are too dim to entertain a thought


Old Wife: Shall I put the TV on? Old Man: Well it would certainly improve the view in here...



You know, I've been asked to get married over a hundreds times.
Yeah, but your parents don't count...


How many people work in your office?
About half of them


Brother: I love biscuits
You: That's cuz your crackers



You: I reckon you'd make a great exchange student.
Friend: Wow, you really think so?
You: Yes, we might be able to exchange you for someone nice.


Hey, I may be fat, but you'll always be ugly, and I can diet.


Man: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.



Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too, if you sit down.