A blonde
went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened."
So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"
Two
blondes were planning to rob a bank. The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second.
They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank.
The first blonde says to the second blonde, "Are you SURE you understand the plan?"
"Yes!" replied the second blonde.
So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank.
Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned.
The first blonde gets very nervous.
Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down.
"No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!"
A blonde walks
into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The
man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're
going to have to take them off." She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die." He put his hands on his hips and ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones.
All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in."
A bunch
of blondes walk into a restaurant celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days,
it only took us 28 days!!" Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a waitor goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"
All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"
A
blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were
sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out "This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!".
So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', i knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff."
And the blonde says "Well, i did too! But i never would have thought that the man would do it again!"
One day a
blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
Q. How
can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A. "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. Her blinker was on.
Q. What do you call a blond skeleton in a clothes closet?
A. The 1960 hide-and-go-seek champion.
Q. How did the blonde hurt herself while raking the leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree
Q. How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q. Why did God give every blonde two more brain cells than a cow?
A. So they don't moo-moo when you pull on their tits.
Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A. Alone.
A
Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
There are 3
people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you
desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first
person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the
mirror and said "I think I am the thinnest person in the world." and poof, the
mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very
ugly red head. She told the mirror "I think I am the prettiest person in the
world" and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked
up to the mirror and said "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Q: Why did
the blonde try and steal a police car?A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
